Bored to the extreme.
I love summer. Not because school is out, or because I get to laze around and do nothing. I hate doing nothing and whether I’m in school or not doesn’t affect me much. School is just school. I have no problem with it. I love spring, summer, and fall because even if it rains it’s not as cold as winter. I hate winter. It’s cold, it snows, and THEN school becomes a problem because it breaks in to my summer when I really actually hope I might be able to do something interesting.But sadly. During the summer, I stay home, I play on my computer, and as my family puts it, we all sit and stare at each other. Pretty boring. I can’t stand sitting still, so I end up sleeping, and then I become completely nocturnal. As if I wasn’t before. I’m always up late. So when I’m awake I’m here at home. Maybe I’ll sew, crochet, draw, knit, read, play computer games, eat, or something. But I don’t go out much in the summer. Mostly because I lose contact with almost all of my friends from school. But really it’s just because I don’t make the effort to go out and do stuff.
I don’t really like having to ask my parents if I can go out with my friends and do this or that. I’ve found it to be more trouble than it’s worth, and in any case I’m going to college soon and there’s better things for me to be doing right? But. What are those things? What the heck was I supposed to be doing again? My parents don’t remember either. Until it’s convenient for them. I could invite my friends over. They’re busy, or my parents don’t feel like it because my sister’s already had her friends over this week. Sometimes my parents will say yes even if they don’t want company over. Then I feel guilty. So usually I just don’t ask.
Have I mentioned how much blogger hates me? Every time I try to start a new paragraph, whether I hit enter in Visual, or put the br for a break in the Code, it doesn’t work when I save… But maybe it’s just me. I’ve not made any posts in a long time, and I haven’t played with my website in even longer. I should get back to that. I’ve been lazy with my plans, ideas, and dreams. I’ve got to get to work. There’s another reason I’m virtually a hermit. Though I would like to get out and go see places. I’ll sit at home and muse about the things I want to do, though whether I actually do it or not depends on so many things, and usually I’ll just end up giving up after a few hours. I think I still work the hardest at night when I feel like I have some privacy and no one’s watching and judging me. Because no matter where I happen to go, I always feel like I’m on display. I don’t like letting people watch me work. I feel like they’ll see me fail. I’d rather practice in private, and show only my success. Because no matter how you look at it, if everyone sees you fail too often, no matter how understanding they are, they’ll lose faith and call you slow. But then. Maybe that’s just me.
